fefa

The dirtiest dirt…

Not only do I get to talk about my all important self in this here survey, but I get to dish on, and trash, others too. Welcome to fefa’s top 8 ‘Have You Ever’ questionnaire, as ganked from myspace…

First, a picture introduction to fefa’s top 8:

Number 1: Sarah


Number 2: JGreene


Number 3: Zach


Number 4: Hilary


Number 5: Baron Von Bluto


Number 6: Allyce


Number 7: Ashley


Number 8: Brian


And on to the dirt…

Done something illegal with ..5:
Of course not. We were straight-laced, clean cut kids. Kind of.

Kissed ..1:
Yes, but not in a girls gone wild sort of way. And she doesn’t remember it. Neither do I, actually.

Hung out with ..3:
Every time I want good service in a gay restaurant I hang out with him and his two sizes too small shirt.

Hugged ..2:
Yes. Although, I was really just trying to move his ginormous head out of the way.

Gotten drunk or high with ..4:
High School + Humboldt = yes. Sometimes, I wonder what she’s like in real life. Or if she really even exists. I had a roommate, right?

Played a sport with ..5:
Absolutely. If ditching school and drinking beer with the neighborhood gay guy is a sport. And it is. Hit me up if you want to try out for the team.

Had an inside joke with ..6:
Carbs!! Noooooooooooo!!!! (This joke actually works outside too. Or anywhere there are carbs, really.)

Had a relationship with ..4:
Yes. We even bought a magic dragon together and named him Scooty. It ended poorly though, right about the time we woke up on a hill somewhere in Humboldt county.

Had a crush on ..1:
Still do! How could I not have a crush on someone who would risk throwing up in bebe for me?

Gone shopping with ..8:
Only one time, and I don’t know if it counts as ‘shopping’. We took BART into San Francisco to ‘shop’, and then my boyfriend got totally mad at me and stuff.

Had class with ..7:
We are always classy, motherfucker. No napkins stuck on these cheeks. Or, um...

Seen ..4 in a swimsuit:
Yes. It’s one of the reasons I want to hate her. But I can’t. No matter how good she looks, I just can’t erase our magic dragon love.

Hurt ..6's feelings:
Not to my knowledge. I believe my position is insult generator of those who do.

Has ..1 ever hurt your feelings:
No. Or um, actually, yes. Yes she has. And it can only be made up for with a new pair of Manolo Blahniks.

Ridden in a car with ..2:
Ridden in a car? Try sprayed down the entire back seat with a 2 liter of orange soda.

Kissed ..4:
Yeah, her ass. But only when I wanted something I couldn’t borrow without her knowing it.

Dated someone in your Top 8:
No, but I have dated friends of someone’s in my top 8. Which is probably why the someone’s knew better.

Traveled anywhere with ..2:
After signing a no orange soda waiver I was again allowed entry into his vehicle for a 6 hour trek to Humboldt.

Met ..5's family:
Actually, no. The closest I ever got was her driveway. Something about mohawks don’t go over well, just wait in the car.

Ever eaten anything in front of ..1:
Absolutely. We liquid lunch all the time.

Hated ..4:
Wouldn’t I have put her in my bottom 8? Why isn’t there a bottom 8? Its time to really bring this myspace thing full circle and show folks how we really feel.

Fought with ..7:
No, she knows better. Seriously, have you seen these guns? Kachow! Kachow!

Has 5 ever seen you do something embarrassing:
I don’t do anything embarrassing. Well, embarrassing to others maybe, but not to me.

Had romantic feelings towards number ..1:
If romance sounds like a credit card charge, you betcha! Hell, if that’s the case she even knows my "O" face.

Has ..1 ever given you a present:
If farts are gifts, then all the time.

Done something insane with ..4:
Yeah, I lived with her.

Seen anyone in your Top 8 cry:
Number 1, Sarah: Every time we finish the 4th bottle of Ballatorre, here come the waterworks.

Number 2, JGreene: Every Christmas when we lock him outside, and point and laugh while we open all of our presents.

Number 3, Zach: About 30 minutes after putting on his tiny muscle t-shirts he starts to tear up when the circulation loss to his arms gets painful, but that’s it.

Number 4, Hilary: Just that one night when she ate a whole chicken and giant bag of caramels and her stomach exploded.

Number 5, Baron Von Bluto: No. I had a no crying bumper sticker on my car back then though, so she knew to hold that shit in until she was home. And that telling just means getting hit again.

Number 6, Allyce: When I threw a bag of potato chips at her she teared up a bit, but I think it was just out of fear from being in close proximity to carbohydrates.

Number 7, Ashley: Do incidental tears while praying to the porcelain god count?

Number 8, Brian: Only when he was made to vacuum.

Has anyone in your Top 8 seen you cry:
Fuck that, crying is for pussies. So yes.

Not in fefa's Top 8? Do you wish you, too, could be ridiculed in a public forum? Just submit an incredibly attractive picture of yourself, and brief essay summing up why you heart fefa in 1,000 words or more, and if I get around to it maybe you too will have your embarrassing moments posted here for all to see! Or maybe not. This offer is only available for a limited time, so don't wait! Operators are standing by...

posted by Fefa @ 12:32 PM