I was asked recently what in the hell I was thinking when I moved from California to Texas some years ago, and how I met the incredibly lucky Mr. Fefa. I decided I should probably write it down before I drink away the ability to remember any of it. Mostly because one day the children we adopt from a third world country because not only is it totally the thing to do, but I am so not going to have stretch marks and fat ankles thank you very much, will want to know how Fefa and Daddy met. It’s a really long story, so I’m going to try not to bore you with 10 paragraphs talking about myself, and see if I can condense it to 9.
Once upon a time there was an extremely attractive and impressively intelligent girl. When she was a mere 19 years old she bravely moved to Houston, a city she had never so much as visited before, all by her little. She brought with her only what fit in her bitchin’ sports car, and donated the rest of her belongings to charity to help the needy. Or just left it in the house for her roommates to deal with because after carefully packing her entire wardrobe, and nothing else, into her vehicle she was too tired to be bothered with trivial matters like old furniture and dishes.
Not long after arriving she secured a job even though a girl of such surpassing beauty should not have to fill her pretty little head with thoughts and stuff. Because she’s above that sort of mindset. And also, it turns out designer jeans do not, in fact, pay the rent.
One day her tall and sassy boss, Stephanie, asked if Fefa would do her a personal favor, promising she would so totally owe her one if she would.
"I’m sorry" Fefa replied "but my jeans are too small for you".
"Silly, I know I can’t fit into your jeans!" her tall and sassy boss said. "I was actually hoping you would be willing to go on a date with me Saturday night."
"So you want to get into my jeans, not borrow them?"
"No, that came out wrong. I mean, I am going on a date with a guy, and was hoping you would come too".
"A double date then?"
"Well, not exactly. You would be more like a third wheel. I know that’s sort of weird, but I would so owe you."
"What do you need a third wheel for?"
"Well, I really like him, we totally hit it off. But I was thinking about it since we made the date, and hit it off or not, we only met once for a little while. And I went ahead and gave him my address, so he’s coming over for a drink before we go out. So now I’m sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing. But if I had someone else with me I would feel a lot safer about it. Please, this is an incredible guy, it would mean a lot to me. Plus it’ll be more casual, just friends sort of hanging out, and there won’t be any of that awkward first date stuff. It’ll be fun."
"Uh huh. Either that or I am the ignored third wheel all night long. Or he kills us both."
"I’ll buy all your drinks."
"And dinner too."
"Ok."
Soon enough it was Saturday and Fefa arrived at her tall and sassy boss’s place to get her free meal and be murdered. While Stephanie was sipping a martini and finishing her hair there was a knock on the door, and she asked Fefa to answer it. So she would have enough time to run out the back after she heard the gun shot.
"Oh, I’m sorry, I must have the wrong apartment." the tall, dark, and handsome man said.
"You’re here for Stephanie, right? She just scooting the last guy out the back, she’ll be out in a sec. Come on in."
"Oh, that’s good. I was hoping she was easy." he replied without skipping a beat. "So are you her roommate?"
"No, I’m your chaperone. Stay in line or I’ll have to unleash these bad boys on you."
"Yeah, I think I'd be ok with that."
"Not those. These bad boys." Fefa replied showcasing her muscular, and surprisingly seductive, biceps. "You’ve been warned."
Off they went on their date plus one, and a wonderful time they had while Fefa kept mostly to herself so as not to impose. Tall, dark, and handsome was incredible, just as Stephanie described. Smart, witty, charming, well dressed…and as such Fefa realized she could totally order the lobster and Stephanie couldn’t say a word about it.
Half way through dinner tall, dark, and handsome’s best friend showed up and joined the "date". In some amazing coincidence he was out to dinner all by himself on a Saturday night in the same restaurant. It was as if it was meant to be. Or he had called his friend and asked him to show up and get the chaperone out of the way. But alas, it was not meant to be. Despite the best friend being overly persistent and all up in Fefa’s shit, dig his chili she did not, and shut him down repeatedly she did. She was so put off by him she asked tall, dark, and handsome to please please please make him leave before she wasted a perfectly good martini on his face.
For the next few months the trio continued to "date", go to parties together, and make fun of all his friends who thought they were players. Until one evening when tall, dark, and handsome pulled Fefa aside to chat.
"I didn’t ask him to come and meet you" he confessed. "Before we even left to eat that night I called him and asked him to show up and distract Stephanie. I told him she had brought her friend along, and when you opened the door I knew you were "the one", as weird as that sounds. But he hit on you anyway. You should know nothing happened with Stephanie, ever, not even a kiss. I’ve been inviting you both out for months just so I could see you. I know she’s your boss, and it might put you in an awkward position otherwise. I’m sorry if this is wrong, if this is awkward, but I can't stand just being your friend for another second."
She looked at him stunned. "I had no ide…" and he kissed her mid-sentence.
Two years later they were married. On top of a mall. The End.
posted by Fefa @ 11:24 AM
11 Comments:
That's a much more romantic story than mine. Rupa pimped me out to Michael on MySpace. When we agreed to meet up he brought his buddy Chad. I recently found out that he brought his friend just in case I didn't look like my photos and he needed an excuse to 'jet' in case he flet a Coytoe Ugly coming on. I guess he though I had cankles and buckteeth. He came clean and said he was oh-so-thankful that I really am the HOTTIE as portrayed in my photos. The thing that cracks me up is that he didn't look like HIS photos, but he was sooo worried about me lying about my photos. His photos were from when we was like 22. Big Fat Faker. I love him anyway.
aw! that was a great story! but you left out the BEST PART:
"after meeting tall, dark & handsome's best friend and being overly annoyed by his spiky hair and abnormally smooth body, fefa hinted to tdh's best friend to call his gorgeous, blonde and majorly hot girlfriend over to join the party, since he obviously had no chance with fefa or tall & sassy. he obliged, and the stunning beauty came over and charmed them ALL with her good looks, wit, charm and innocence..."
But wait, there's more...
Fast forward 1 year later...
"After tall, dark & handsome's best friend acted a'fool and pissed off his hot girlfriend, she dumped him and took with her Fefa and Mr. Fefa, leaving the best friend all alone. And the 3 of them lived happily ever after."
like how I totally turned the story around to be all about ME? that's how it always should be.
You know, had you and Chad wound up together we would have totally had, like, almost the same story!
If you ever need you can always print out one of his headshots and put his face on a popsicle stick, like Sarah.
Only years later would I know how meant to be that evening was. Not only did I meet my future husband, but I also met my future BFF - his best friend's girlfriend at the time. Being so wonderful, she even took us with her after she dumped tha man who shaved his entire body for no reason and we've been BFF ever since. We are so grateful in fact, she even has a full access pass to Fefa's closet. And I, like, never give those out.
Hahaha...on top of a mall. I forgot that detail. Priceless ;)
I know. I tried not to play that part up too much at the time so people wouldn't sneak out during the ceremony to hit up Armani, bebe, and Cole Haan.
Yeah, Fe, that's a much more romantic story than "Why, yes, I met her in a BDSM chat room on the Internet, why do you ask?"
Great. Thanks for blowing my cover. So much for the sweet and innocent lifestyle everyone knew me so well for.
Oh, were we still talking about you? ;)
Hmm, I think it's time I find a new Bible study class at church. That'd make a better story, right? Right? RIGHT?
ahh, I knew it would be a good story.
how did bossgirl handle the date-swop?
It worked out ok. Remember, she said she'd "totally owe me one" in the first place. She probably didn't expect this to be my cashing in on that, but...
She even caught the bouquet at the wedding.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home