fefa

Dear everyone I share the road with…

If you need to make a turn but are not in the correct lane, go ahead and stop in the middle of traffic, put your signal on, and wait for a spot to open up. I totally don’t mind waiting.

When my light turns green and I start through the intersection, but your light has only been red for a mere 3 seconds, go for it anyway. I love surprises.

When I’m in a line of cars feel free to ride my ass, and even honk when you’re in a hurry. Lord knows I’m sitting behind all these cars going slowly just to annoy you when I know full well you’re trying to get somewhere.

Please make sure that when traffic is really backed up and it’s clearly visible to everyone there is not room for another car, to pull out and block the intersection anyway right when the light turns red.

If you don’t feel like being on the freeway anymore, but there isn’t an exit right at that very second, go ahead and drive over the curb and down the grass embankment to the feeder road below. If you do this though, please make sure to pay no mind to me driving 50mph on said road when you drive off the curb and into my lane.

If you’re lost make sure you come to an almost complete stop at every single cross street until you figure out where you need to go.

If you are older, fearful of driving, and shouldn’t be on the road in the first place, please be sure the first thing you do is hop on the freeway. If possible, you will want to be in the far left lane.

Anytime you are entering the freeway I would appreciate it if you would maintain a speed of 35mph or less. This will help both of us to merge effectively with the 70mph traffic on said freeway.

That big yellow "YIELD" sign in your lane you see right before it merges with my lane, that’s just a suggestion. Really.

If at all possible please try to ignore that pesky repetitive clicking sound your turn signal makes constantly when you have no intention of turning.

Anytime you need to pull across unprotected lanes of traffic to turn left remember that this is best accomplished by simply pulling out and blocking all oncoming traffic until you are clear to make your turn.

Should you need to turn, but forgot to get in the turn lane, just let me know by turning anyway. I’d be happy to swerve out of your way suddenly to make sure my car doesn’t scratch yours all up and stuff.

If you find you pulled a little too far forward and are obstructing oncoming traffic from a driveway, don’t ever back up to let them pass. We are all trying to pause traffic special for you so you may exit at your leisure.

Never, ever get in line with everyone else waiting to merge onto another freeway. Drive right up to the front of the line, over the double white lines, and ask for cuts by swerving that piece of shit you call a car towards me.

Also, should you be presented with a center turn lane, use it at your discretion to speed past everyone else and cut me off to get back in the lane. Hopefully you can thwart some of those pesky drivers trying to use it to turn on your way to the front.

If you smoke, be sure not to ever use your ashtray. That will diminish the value of your car. Instead, please flick the burning remainder of your cigarette at my car, preferably when I have the top down.

When waiting in line for a toll booth or similar please do not utilize any of that wait time by getting your fee together. Wait until you reach the booth, then look for correct change.

Should you not be paying attention when the light turns red, and that bastard behind you has the audacity to honk after 10 seconds, always have a hissy fit and sit there even longer to prove a point.

And lastly, just for clarification, please be sure to note that honking and/or an extended middle finger is just my special way of applauding your driving prowess.

posted by Fefa @ 1:28 PM