Being able to force your way into a size two does not make you a size two. It does make you look even fatter though. If that happens to be your goal, then by all means…
On that note: low rise jeans are only meant to be worn be people who actually fit into a size two, or smaller. Nobody wants to see your lower back fat. Promise.
Do not attempt your own French manicure after two glasses of wine. In the likely event you cannot control the urge to do so, at least be clever about it and say it is meant as a tribute to the late 1800’s French artistry when Abstract was recognized as more than random shit thrown on a canvas.
Putting unicorns, shooting stars, hearts, or any other kitschy crap on your nails makes you look retarded. If you are under 10, this still applies.
One provocative article of clothing in your outfit is sexy. Two makes you a slut.
Boots are always in style (appropriate weather permitting). Have always been in. Will always be in. Always.
If they go all the way up to your thigh they are not boots. They are hooker shoes.
If you are fat, wearing black does not make you look slimmer. It makes you look like a fat person wearing black.
News Flash: I can still see your clear bra strap.
Scrunchies are only meant to be used in the privacy of your own home.
Tunics: we all know what’s going on under there, but thanks for playing.
Over 3 inches is appropriate for evening. Over 4 inches is appropriate for street walking. Being short does not excuse you.
Unless you need to be easy to find so you don’t hurt yourself if you wander too far from the group, fluorescent colors are always a no-no.
Wearing workout clothes does not fool anyone. And it’s not just the pint of ice cream in your hand giving you away.
Fringe is inexcusable. Period.
Costume wear: dressing too promiscuously is ‘allowed’ on Halloween. Don’t think for a second you won’t still be called a slut though.
If you love her outfit so much you must have it too, you need to get permission first.
If you’re not sure if you can pull off a hat, you can’t. In fact, apply that to anything you’re not sure you can pull off.
Suck it in. Seriously.
posted by Fefa @ 2:45 PM
16 Comments:
I heart backfat.
How do you feel about kankles?
BTW - your profile pic here is, I think, the smokinest pic of you, like, ever.
You can blame spicy vixen for leading me to your blog and your fashion thoughts, with which I completely agree, BTW. I am (clightly) older than you and SV, and was around the scene once upon a time, so let me share one visual horror show my friend Karen and I discovered LONG ago that still totally holds true today:
The "JUST BECAUSE" Rule:
JUST BECAUSE they make it in your size does NOT mean you need to wear it. Period. Especially if it is made of spandex/lycra/leather/vinyl.
I am going to need a fashion makeover then. I think I am violating like 7 of your fashion rules at this very moment, FeFa.
Btw, I might not be a smart man but I do know enought to not get dragged into the debate of who has the "smokinest" picture here.
Can I just say that you and Spicy Vixen are equally "smokinest", FeFa?
Pushy - that is one of the most important rules. I can't believe I forgot it! I saw a chick with a side pony tail earlier that day, and I must have still been recovering from that.
Thomas - I think if I saw 7 violations all at once I might have a seizure and die. I'd venture to guess that even then I would still look more presentable than the violator though.
Guys fashion is way easier to work with though, so don't worry too much. So long as when you wear pants I can't see your ankles, and your collar is not popped, you're probably ok. Also, no socks with sandals. Or muscle-tank tops. Or mesh. It's starting to look like I may need to start a fashion-reference list for men too. Just to be safe.
Oh, and equally smokinest is totally acceptable. As long as different hair colors are present females can be equally hot. If we were the same though you'd have to make a choice. And just so it's out there, I throw a mean right hook.
it's not how you feel... it's how you look. thanks for the tips =;-)
btw: my Word Verification was "toqdy" ... isn't that a real word? i am sooo confused today.
Yes, Fe. Start a guy fashion list.
I will crack off the first rule to get things started: Rule No. 1 - Mullets are only good for Fe's favorite game of 'mulleting'. Just because everyone had them, doesn't mean it was a good idea.
Also, I propose a "do not shop in the boys section for a t-shirt to wear to the club' rule...Unless you are headed to South Beach in Montrose where it's "raining men". Hallelujah.
Fe, you know who I'm talking about too.
mimojonb - It is a real word. I believe it means mini pink dog. Either that or buy me something pretty. One of those.
Aaahh, mulleting. It's been a while since I've gone. I need to find a new trailer park to hang out in. Or a Styx concert.
Also unless you are going to South Beach...no sparkles, glitter, or shiny material boys. Never try to look prettier than me. Ever.
I guess you can say I have been intimidated into saying FeFa is way more "smokinest" than Spicy Vixen. (Sorry Spicy Vixen.)
seen at lunch: girl wearing tight spandex top with visible bra (why wear both?!) and spandex shortie shorts so um, short you could see her rather large bum dimples and, get this, her blue undies. as in, below her spandex shortie shorts. I won't even go into the visible undie lines that were present.
I must remember to bring your list while fall shopping... 'cause it's already out there, you know. although I don't know if I can give up fringe...
and yes, I call them undies, I once dated a guy who got off on panties (literally) and ruined the word for me. kept wanting to (ew) borrow mine. please refrain from mocking.
Yeah, let's stick with undies then. Or, I'll let you use my word. Because I can't be like everyone else and call them panties, yet don't want to go overboard and just say thong or something, I call them my 'naughties'. Cute, coy, and to the point. And oh the look you get the first time he hears you say it.
And let's move forward and add VPL (visible panty lines) to the list. Ladies, granny panties are for use at home, or on grannies. To wear them otherwise is just....eeeww.
And no, I will not make an exception if you are wearing them in some effort to not put out, because they would so obviously turn him off. No they won't, he doesn't care, and we both know it.
And Moi, put the credit card down and step away from the fringe. You're dangerously close to feathered hair territory.
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