I think I slept on it wrong, Fe.
Well, tuck it back when you go to bed next time.
No, seriously. It really hurts. I can hardly move it.
Well, you’re of very little use to me then. Off you go…
Fe, seriously. It really hurts, would you help me out here?
What hurts?
My neck, I can barely even turn my head. Would you help me here?
Sure, Aleve is in the cabinet.
Fe! Please!
Ok, sorry. Fine. You can use my water glass, it’s by my sink. Wash it when you’re done.
*Spends about 15 seconds shifting entire body towards me so he may extend his glare lovingly into my beautiful eyes. While placing his loving gaze upon me he probably also noted the incredible hair day I was having. Which says a lot considering I had only just woken up. Seriously, it was that good.*
Ok, ok. What do you want me to do?
Will you get that neck pack and heat it for me?
Sure, anything else?
Ooohh, actually, get the massager that heats up and use that on my neck, that’ll be even better.
*Plug in massager to warm it up, run downstairs to start coffee, and checks hair in mirror again. Nice…*
Mmmmmmm, that feels good. I think it’s helping. It gets a lot warmer than I recall.
Hmmm? Oh, yeah. Good. That’s good. (I can only pay so much attention to this whilst I flip through a magazine with my other hand and listen eagerly for the beep of the coffee machine.)
What’s that smell?
Huh? I don’t know, probably the coffee maker.
Oh…..
No, I don’t think so. You might want to check it if it is. It smells like something is burning.
*A burning smell is very obviously in the room now, and I swear I see smoke out of the corner of my eye for a second*
I hate that freaking coffee maker! Goddammit, that stinks! I’ll be right back…
As I stand and look left I see that the coffee maker is not, in fact, responsible for the burning smell. Rather, the massager I am using on his upper back is on fire. In case that’s not quite clear – the massager is on fucking fire! I throw it across the room, because when you have fire you want to make it as mobile as possible. And also, make sure it comes into contact with multiple flammable objects as well, preferably all located near your only exit. And thank goodness for my quick thinking, as while in mid-air the little flames coming from the back of the massage heads went out, and the plug yanked out of the wall, though smoke continued to waft out from it.
Seriously, whatinthefuck? Since when does this happen? I reread the warning label, and just as I suspected, nowhere on it does it say CAUTION: May burst into flames while in use.
Before you get all worried, Mr. Fefa is fine. So fine in fact, he forgot all about his poor neck hurting so much he couldn’t even turn. The faker. No, the real damage here was that my hair stunk like smoke, reminiscent of burning plastic, and had to be totally redone.
In all seriousness though, this sort of random event really makes you put things in perspective for a moment. And I realized just how thankful I am that I wasn’t the one getting a massage.
posted by Fefa @ 2:24 PM
6 Comments:
Note to self: Felicia + vibrating electronics don't mix. Remember that for the next Sexy Santa party.
this made me think of the sex in the city episode where samantha goes into shaper image and wants a new... massager.
Then how else are we going to get the party started?
I think about half of the massagers at Sharper Image are actually "massagers". The others - including this one - are actually supposed to be used on your back and stuff. Either way, it creeps me out to watch people test them in the store, one after another.
i hope they only test them on their backs..
good gods.
I hope so too! You never know what the staff is up to after closing though either, so I just let other people test and watch their reactions. Oddly enough, none of the vibrators, err, massagers, ever burst into flames in the store. That I saw anyway. Weird.
Good God indeed Ghost! On the plus side, I am no longer pestered for back rubs, so it's a happy ending.
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