When we say "whatever you want" we mean exactly that.
*Note: what you ‘want’ is what we want. Trust me.
Direct eye contact followed by the arching of an eyebrow is equivalent to a rattling tail; back your way out of whatever you did with extreme caution, and proceed directly to a jewelry store for the antidote.
No, we aren’t right about everything. But we can’t help that you are always wrong either.
Changing clothes is not, I repeat – not, an invitation to a boob grabbing party. What we are actually trying to do here is - sit down for this - get dressed.
Poking us in the back with ‘it’ while we are asleep will only sharpen our fake sleeping skills.
If we tell you anything is ‘fine’ we/the situation is not fine at all. More importantly, neither are you.
If we break up and ever meet one of your other ex’s we will instantly be friends. Our friendship will be temporary and based on saying things about you that would make Andrew Dice Clay blush.
Any sort of dancey thing you do wherein you make your penis flap about in our general direction won’t turn us on.
Neither will showcasing your ability to double as a towel or hat rack.
Taking out your wallet and handing it to us with your penis, however, will.
If we catch you looking at another girl you better come up with something insulting to say about her, and fast. We know you’re lying, but it makes it better anyway.
If we made it no matter how bad it tastes, you should like it.
It sounds like complaining, but to us and other women it’s just talking. Unless we’re talking to another woman about you, then it’s probably complaining.
If you leave during a fight we will be distraught, sobbing, pining for you, and call all our girlfriends so we can talk about it until you come back. As soon as you get back we will give you the silent treatment.
We want you to be manly, protective, and even a bit possessive of us. But only at specific times. We will never tell you when those times are, but you had better get them right.
Sometimes we have to fake it. And we know you can’t tell when we’re faking it. Know why?
posted by Fefa @ 2:19 PM
19 Comments:
Um, yeah, it's not so much that we can't tell as don't care. We're getting ours, so, well, good enough. If it makes you feel better to fake it, darlin', you just fake away.
(Not so say we can allways tell, but we pretty much always don't care as long as you all care enough to put out anyway.)
"Sometimes we have to fake it. And we know you can’t tell when we’re faking it. Know why?"
Yeah, I know why. Because we always ask, "Did you..." ...Always. All the time. Us guys are so freakin' predictable.
Nice list. I hope there isn't a quiz. It's too late at night for me to memorize the answers.
Good point NG, that didn't occur to me actually. Dammit! So all those times he said all that was important to him was MY needs I was actually just being told what I wanted to hear? Sheesh! He could have just I am totally skinnier than any model he's seen and we'd both have been set.
No Mini, there isn't a quiz, but there's a challenge. We need a demystification of men. I tried to make one myself to counter this post, but you all mystify me. All I came up with was:
1. If he's upset, happy, sad, bored, angry, tired, embarrassed, deep in thought, concerned, or jovial that means he wants sex.
2. If he asks you to grab him a beer, that means he wants a beer. And sex.
love it. i hope bryan reads this.
Just doing my part to stop the misguided 'pee pee dance' for women everywhere. I mean, wiggle your bits all you want, it's funny and quirky and we love that you're silly for us, we do. Just realize what response you are actually provoking is all.
a demystification of men? well, you had a whole month to come up with your list... i'll need a whole freakin' year. no, seriously, i'll see if i can have this homework assignment done by the beginning of next week.
Looking forward to it! And yes, you will be graded...
And # 3 - If you want a man to do something, ask in the form of a challenge. Or barter with sex.
what is it with the back-poke? I used to live with this guy who would wake me up every morning with his not-so-significant member. hello? I can totally feel what you're up to and why isn't my gentle snoring a deterrent?
mind you, he also used to prance around the bedroom acting as a towel rack.
*shudders*
I'm pretty sure the hope is that we will wake from our slumber not realizing why, and find we are mysteriously aroused and - oh hey, you're up too honey? And wouldja look at that, so is he! Perfect!
Chicks just aren't morning people though. I feel icky, tired, and gross before I freshen up a tad. I know he doesn't care, but I do.
Why don't you try waking us up with breakfast in bed or something, THEN see how I respond to the sweet gesture after having a few minutes to both wake and freshen up. After a sweet gesture like that you might be pleased with how I respond to your special way of bringing me a wash cloth to freshen up...
cool blog. really enjoyed reading. i;m definitely coming back here
So, boob grabbing parties aren't only in my house? Thank goodness. It's sad when you are afraid to walk through your own house naked in fear that you will be attacked, lunged at with both hands in the grab position or given 'the pecker wag'.
Someone needs to take a 2x4 to his head.
"What's that behind your back Ambs?"
"Nuthin"
Thanks for coming by imperfect, glad you enjoyed and hope to see you here again!
Spicy - let's not pretend here, this blog is all about being totally for reals. I know I'm not the only gal whose gotten dressed IN her closet just so I can put clothes on without being accosted.
I don't know. I actually like when they poke us in the back with "it." It's like he's knocking on my back door, so to speak.
S&M - sssshhhhhhh!!! You're totally messing up the curve here!
Actually, I think there are lots of times all of us ladies like to be 'aroused' from our slumber. Definitely. But guys, take note when we do continue to sleep, or *sleep*, that's like us hitting the snooze button. We're going to get up, I swear, we just don't typically pop out of bed first thing in the morning like you do...
Btw - let's not all pretend we aren't totally impressed with my play on words there. Totally...
Why was I not invited to any "boob grabbing" parties when I lived in Houston?
try being pregnant. with the 'amazing' growth of my breasts, K is like a kid in a candy store. grabbing at everything he sees. blubbering. slobbering. I liken his expression to a deer caught in headlights (but still a deer that grabs, mind you).
So he's kind of like a Centaur, but with a deer body instead? Interesting...
Thomas, there's never an invite to these particular shindigs. It's more like crashing a party really. More often than not you can find the 'hostess' in the back of the closet trying to get dressed in secret, at which point you just invite yourself over for a boob grabbing party.
ou est la fefa?
:)
(interestingly, the word verification is 'yrfury'. how did they know I din't shave my legs this morning??)
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