fefa

On pregnancy and public toilets...

In case you've ever wondered why it is so many people seek counsel and support from fefa and her worldly advice. In case you've ever wondered if behind closed doors chicks do, in fact, discuss thought provoking topics beyond flower arrangements, baking, and hair braiding. In case you've ever wondered what 'TMI' stands for. This post is dedicated to you...

fefa:
Tell her not to freak out, it’s waaay too early for that. Even she says she shouldn’t be worried by her account, so stop stressing about it, it really will only make it worse.
The truth is all women are at least slightly concerned if they’re even one day late – this is due to a neurotic hormone called ‘estrogen’. While its purpose is purely to frustrate men, it does have an unfortunate side effect on women sometimes; we call this thinking. Or over-thinking, to be specific. To example:
Long before I was shacked up, hell, even when I was single and not getting any, if I was late I started worrying I was pregnant. What if it really can happen from a toilet seat? Why would a man be in the ladies jerking it on a toilet seat? Wouldn't he have had to do it, like, within minutes of me arriving and sitting down on said seat? Perhaps I need to rethink the manner in which I sit upon toilet seats. Do I want to have the child of a man who jerks it in the ladies? I mean, aside from that it also likely means he's into the whole golden shower thing, right? How am I going to find this man and make him buy me the dinner I should have gotten weeks ago? Maybe a classified? But wouldn't that get flagged as objectionable and removed? I mean, the specifics I would have to use would be pretty offending to some people. Why are people so uptight about experimentation anyway? But of course, every time I was just being silly. Obviously that tissue-paper seat cover is made to protect from things just like this, and a few days later my ladies days would arrive. And as thankful as I would be, I was still a little sad. It's so hard to meet decent guys in this town, you know? I just don't know why it never works out. Why does it always end like this?

She:
You know what grosses me out most about toilet seats? I mean, besides my new fear about guys going in there and pulling it all over the seats and inadvertently making me pregnant? The OTHER ladies going in there and peeing everywhere. WTF is up with that?? Is it because we're all hovering over the seat, instead of sitting down on it? Is that what's going on here? Because there's really nothing worse than carefully laying down your little tissue paper cover, only to have it soak up little puddles of pee left on the seat from some sloppy bitch before you. You don't want to sit down on that, even with the cover. It's not like the cover is impermeable, right? Germs get through transparent tissue paper, last time I checked. So you have to gingerly pick the cover off, flush it, wipe off SOMEONE ELSE'S PEE, and re-do the whole cover thing again, this time hoping it’s actually dry. They say guys are gross? WOMEN are gross. Proof? There's actually a little sign on the stall door in our bathroom here that says "Please...Flush Toilet". Seriously??? There was a big enough problem with non-flushing that you have to REMIND these dumb broads to flush the toilet? Were we raised in a barn? Do we not flush at home? WTF?

fefa:
I agree. What the hell is wrong with chicks? I don't have to do home bathroom checks to know for GODDAMN SURE women aren't peeing on their seats at home, not wiping it up if/when they do, leaving their business floating in the bowl, leaving long ass trails of toilet paper dangling from the roll and strewn across the dirty floor, and so on. And I'll put money on it none of them put nasty used pons they know for GODDAMN SURE won't flush down and will probably clog and then cause an overflow in their home toilets either. Something about being in a stall seems to make some chicks go crazy. Like they are suddenly in their own little bathroom frat house and anything goes! I mean, are they living out some sort of reckless bathroom fantasy in there? Have they always wanted to just get wild and urinate haphazardly? 'Common courtesy be damned! I'm going to pee all over this seat, damn it, and nobody can stop me! Then I'll pretend I didn't notice and tippie toe out before someone sees I was the last to leave this stall, and leave that for someone lesser than me to clean up. Muahaha!' Is that it? Is this like the only 'power' they have in their little lives? To pee on public seats and have someone else clean up behind them? Chicks disgust me.

posted by Fefa @ 9:34 AM