Supposedly this survey, drafted by a friend of fefa's, is not for the timid. It is however, apparently, for the incontinent. Or something. Either way, I'm sure you'll enjoy filling it out yourself and sharing it with friends and family, just like fefa.
PS - How are you? OMG, it's totally been so long! I know, like months and stuff! I've had a lot of insulting, offensive, and as always incredibly sexy and intriguing things to share over these past months, but circumstances that are none of your business have prevented me from doing so. What I mean by that is I'll totally tell you all about it later, when she's not here. But until then, let's get back to our roots and start things off with a stupid survey...
1-Have you ever crapped in your undies (even just a little)? No I'm not talking about when you were a baby.
Even just a little? Is there some sort of acceptable amount I am totally not aware of? What really disturbs me though, is questioning what made you think of this question. Also, NO.
2-If the answer is yes, were you able to fix it immediately or did you have to cope with it for a while?
How do you ‘fix’ crapping in your undies? Unless you’re near a shower, a fresh pair of panties, and a new bottle of self respect and dignity. In which case, you couldn’t make it to the toilet? Why are you my friend again?
3-Do you have a sexual fantasy that made you re-evaluate whether you were sane?
No, but it made me re-evaluate whether they were.
4- What is it?
I can’t believe I’m going to write this. OK, a long sexy foot rub, while eating double-stuf oreos, watching 90210 reruns, and flipping through the new issue of Lucky during scenes with Andrea. And then, just after Brenda gets all hot tempered and storms out of a scene…you go handle your own business, I’ve got important shit to finish here.
5- Do you like pain?
Depends, what's your budget?
6-Do you get off at least once a day? 4 times a week?
First off, there are 7 days in a week. Personally though, I get off 5 days a week. At 5pm.
7- Do you prefer doing that to having sex?
Absolutely!
8- Ladies? Do you OWN porn?
Don’t have to.
9- Fellas? Why do you own SO MUCH porn?
Can I venture a guess here? Because they have to.
10- While talking to strangers or people you know do you find your mind straying to what if's?( i.e. What would they do if I kissed them? What would happen if I hit them in the jaw right now?)
I don’t talk to strangers. Or take candy from them. Or help them look for their lost puppy.
If I’m talking to someone I do know though, odds are I’m watching carefully to see if it appears your mind is straying when you should obviously be completely intrigued by my story about the new boots I just bought, and how totally cute they are. Especially compared to those ankle boot eyesores you’re wearing, you fat cow. Seriously, at least cover up those kankles with a knee high. Ooohh, are we paying attention now?
11- Are you co-dependant?
Only when I can’t afford it myself.
12-Are you happy?
Compared to someone who is considering what a reasonable amount of defecation one may carry in their undies is, yes.
13- If the answer is no, what have you done today to fix it? If the answer is yes, why are you happy?
Because I have a mirror. Seriously, have you seen this hair?
14- If your truest best friend whom you love so dear could only be saved if you blew your brains out with a forty-five. Would you do it? If the answer is yes, where would you put the barrel? If the answer is no.... Damn! Some bestfriend you are.
This sounds like it’s a one or the other sort of thing. And as such apparently this ‘friend’ wasn’t exactly owning up to their half of the necklace themselves. "Be Fri" my ass. You can take this "St Ends" and stick it where the sun don't shine.
15- If a scientist created a clone of you to exact detail would you have sex with the clone?
Um, I wouldn’t be able to. Because we would have the same parts, and…that’s all I’m going to explain to you.
16- Why are tupees ridiculous and those pony tail extensions are so damn popular?
They are both ridiculous. The never-actually-matches-the-hair-color ponytails are more popular because chicks don’t take the 2 seconds out of their day to check their ‘do’ from behind, whereas the road-kill men wear on their heads is visible from the front. Also, men are more interested in sex than they are telling women their hair looks bad, ass looks big, sister is hotter…
(For those of you still utilizing my previously posted "How To Guide’s For The Fashionable Gentleman/Woman", and I hope you are, please add these to the lists of offenses. If you are not up to date on such matters scroll through past posts. Immediately.)
17- Would you throw the switch to kill a convicted murderer?
No. They always do that shit when American Idol is on; obvious time conflict.
18- Do you believe that ugly people should tint their car windows?
Who the hell is giving ugly people cars? Gross.
20- Would you have sex with a cop in his squad car to get out of a DWI?
I wouldn’t have to.
posted by Fefa @ 2:01 PM
6 Comments:
fefa! welcome back.
what kind of sicko wrote this quiz? not one, but two scatalogical questions right off the bat? any self-respecting quiz writer knows you need to sneak that shit in at the end of the quiz.
Fitting of Fefa to come back after a 3 month hiatus with a survey.
Lame!
Either way, glad to have you back. There's another 4 minutes of productivity my boss is losing...
Thanks mini, it's good to be back! And I know, you totally wait until the end for that shit. I think after i sent him back to him he re-evaluated his desire to be a quiz writer. Or to share them with me anyway.
J - Whatever, you love it. Like you'd rather spend that 4 minutes doing anything other than pouring over my thoughts on pooping in one's panties. I know you too well.
yay fefa! my afternoon blog browsing just wasn't the same without your cutting wit.
and I totally had one of those 'best friends' necklaces. I got the endings to the words half, though. bitch.
I think I will be the fifth person to heart FeFa.
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